Hi, non-existent readers,

I am posting for the sake of posting. I want to make full use of this medium to form my thoughts, on the off-chance someone will read it and come to my aid. I originally planned this journal as a cross between a writing journal and a personal one. The last couple of posts have been more personal. I haven't got writer's block, I've got writer's expanse (in other words, there's a large expanse of space between myself and the drive to write.)

I'm losing weight, more because I don't have money for food than any other desire to do so. (Even though I know I need to do so) I make just enough to pay my bills (except for student loans) and still buy a little gas for going to work. The little gas light on my car hasn't went out for two weeks.

I'm more lonely than ever. My new ward (I'm LDS)hasn't visited since I moved in, and I have worked most Sundays. The ones I didn't work, I felt sick or very tired and didn't go. I've only been there once. They seemed nice enough people but like I said, I haven't had a visitor from the church or a phone call since I got here. I have to assume that the records from my previous ward have already transferred and no one has decided to come see me. I could take a positive view and think that they've tried and just didn't catch me because of my odd hours. However, I've been in Moultrie for six months now and it's getting ridiculous. I felt so warm with my previous ward (due to the fact that it's where I grew up) that I got spoiled. I'm hoping to get Sunday off so I can talk to the Bishop. I need food. I'm starving, maybe not to death, but enough that I'm losing weight.

Then again, God does hate me, so maybe the church will be inspired to not help.

The bible should have said, "God so loved the world (except David Hewitt) that he..." The prophets didn't know me, so they dropped that part. LOL.

I haven't done this in a while. I had to post my thought somewhere before I went nuts. I love my job, don't get me wrong and most of the time I love my customers. However, the minute I reach one of my job-related goals: (full-time health insurance) the laws change and so does the insurance. The new plan now requires a out of pocket expense of 750 dollars before anything will happen. I don't have the 75 dollars (If I'm lucky) for an office visit. I don't have the 95 dollars for a bottle of the newer diabetes meds. So, how the @#$@#$ do I ever take advantage of the health insurance. The only way it ever comes in handy is if something goes seriously wrong and requires hospitalization. It's not like I could afford to pay it anyway.

That's not the only thing wrong in my life. I have a serious problem in friends. I don't have any that live near me. The closest I come is my boss, how sad is that. (He lives an hour away, that's what I call close.)

I don't have the money to properly feed myself. I would ask my church for help, but they haven't visited and I've only managed to make it there once in five months. I either work on Sundays (usually early morning to late evening, but even when I get scheduled for noon...I still have to leave church early and don't have time to see the bishop.)

Hence my subject title. To recap:

I have no close friends nearby to talk to.

I have no church relationships to depend on.

I'm losing weight because I barely feed myself.

I have a painful shyness that seriously inhibits romantic possibilities. The closest thing I have to a girl is five hours away. Totally platonic best friend relationship at this point. ('at this point', right.)

My parents are forced to live with my sister and her husband because they need help taking care of some things while my mother heals.

My writing is nowhere. I have real trouble getting motivated for my writing.


Let me end by saying, God Hates Me.

Just saying.

Another big hiya to my imaginary readers.

I say that subject line several times a day. Unfortunately, it's got to be true. The bible says that he will not 'tempt' me above what I am able, but that's got to be a misprint of history. Or else, it doesn't affect the entire world or something. Sometimes I think that god doesn't love me at all. Christ was supposed to change the world from a vengeful god to the love and 'turn the other cheek' one of the new testament. The way my life has gone, I've thought that he must be saving a little vengeance on me. Maybe I did something untoward in the pre-existance. Anyway, I've not attempted to write much lately. I've been in a funk. My school, Kaplan University, is about to start a new term. I flunked my previous two classes because of illness, work and computer related issues. (At least that's what I tell myself) Truthfully, I was bored. Actually, that's another lie. I didn't have the energy to apply myself and so, I didn't. I probably could have pulled it all off. But, it just didn't happen.

I know what some you must be thinking, "oh, so he's the one God doens't love." I don't think that love and hate are mutually exclusive. You have to love something to truly feel hate. You don't need hate to love and you can feel a little hate without love...but you can't truly, deeply hate without love. For example, I can't stand certain religious sects, but I don't hate them. I don't care or love enough of them to give a dang. I don't hate enough to act on my feelings. It's just there under the surface. I was attacked as a child by the much older son of a family friend, I cared about the SOB. I hate him for what he did to me. But, there's still some of that child who looked up and feared the older boy. We spent holidays like Easter and some Thanksgivings with this punk. While the boy scared me because of the incident where he took an iron pipe to the head without being phazed, he was usually good to me and I cared about him. I don't remember idolizing him or anything, but there was familial-type love there. It's been covered by hate.

My point is this. God can love me and still hate me. Call me nutso, but I don't see them as exclusive.

Hiya to my multitude of imaginary readers,

Sorry for the long delay in posting. To those who know, I have been suffering from a bad sinus problem. It gets bad, to the point where I can't breath unless I'm all but snorting Sinex from Vicks. I have to take it at least once an hour, despite the instructions telling me to take it once every four hours. I've thought about trying irrigation to see if it improves my sinuses, but I have no money for any of the materials. The 'free' method of cupping water and snorting it really irritates and I'm reluctant to keep it up. I've been like this for almost five months now. It's really affecting both my work and my schooling. I failed my last two classes. I'm going to have to retake. Imaginary readers, do you have any idea what I can do?

Afrin and prescription Nasacort doesn't help. I suppose they might if I could give it time, but Sinex is the only quick-acting spray that helps.

As to my writing, I have written a couple pages from my new wip recently, so it's going okay. I'm trying to write about an elementary school, but my experience is limited to childhood and minor experiences with my best friend's kids. I'm hoping the 'culture' of such a school has not changed in ways I don't know. I can't very well visit an elementary school when I don't know any of the kids there.

Not much of a post, but I hope something in this is interesting enough.

David

My first comment here on this journal. I don't post on the other blog anymore, as evidenced by the lack of posting in five years. Thanks Ophelia, for the comment. It's easier to post when there's someone actually reading.

I'm not sure whether to make this a personal blog or a writing one. I think it will be a personal writing blog.

I am currently going to school for a B.S. in Criminal Justice, but I am struggling with a sinus infection that keeps me from sleeping and this seriously affects my ability to focus on the school work.

As far as writing is concerned, right now I am concentrating on the Hadsrubbal story, the one about the Carthaginian (sp?)/ Phoenician boy who is made immortal by the god Moloch. The mythology is almost entirely my own creation as the experts seem divided on this. The bible isn't very specific and other references seem to vary greatly about the actual child sacrifice that happened in this ancient deity's name. I make Moloch somewhat sympathetic, as a god whose instruction was perverted for the public good. A god, in this book's mythology, isn't the same as an all powerful deity. Sure, Moloch has a lot of power, but that doesn't mean he can use it at a whim to make people stop the child sacrifice. He's intervened before, but it was to no use, unscrupulous priests still changed it after Moloch stopped visiting his Carthage temple. (He's not omnipresent, but has to travel from one place to another. There are some other things a creator can do that he can't).


Anyway, thanks for viewing.

David

Hello non-existant readers,

I forgot to mention a work-in-progress I'm particularly proud of: Jeremiah.

There are two main characters to this nearly-complete novel.
 

Jeremiah: A young kidnap/abuse victim whose attacker was released on a technicality. Rather than curl up in fear, Jeremiah (12yo at the time) decides it's time to go on the attack. He tracks the man to a mall and watches him stalk another young boy. Our vigilante-in the making rescues the boy and manages to kill his attacker. When he gets away with it, he decides he's on a mission from God.

Alan: A rich (family money) young detective, whose job is in danger, is assigned the case after Jeremiah's second victim is declared a homicide. (The first was decided a 'natural death').

The book explores these to characters as they slowly enter each other's orbit. Also, throw in another serial killer from another part of the country who claims to be the killer in Jeremiah's cases, an FBI agent who dislikes Alan instantly, and a neglected boy Alan takes in as his own and you get what I believe to be a rich story with a lot of heart.

It makes you wonder whether it's okay to avenge people when the justice system fails and how easy it is to love someone even when they're not blood related.

Hello non-existant readers,


I'm wondering what to tell people about myself. I've never been one to do this often enough to generate readers. People tell me I should use twitter or myspace or facebook, and I don't think so. I have a blog on Tripod.com that I haven't used in over four years. I don't want that to happen to this one. So, I'm posting. Let me tell a little about myself.

My current day to day work is as a Radio Shack employee, but I also like writing books. I used to write poetry in high school, but grew out of it for some reason. I'm going to school for a criminal justice degree, but this sinus infection is robbing me of sleep and that is making it hard to focus on my schoolwork. I am currently so far behind that it is sad. To quote from a Drew Carey Show episode. "It's pathetisad." (cross between pathetic and sad)

In my writing work, I have finished several YA books. (Most of my books tend to be YA.) Here are a few with the description:

The Vessel: About a young girl who is forced to become a heroine and use her untested powers to save the world from The Adversary, a demon trapped in the metaphysical bowels of the Earth. (I know what some are thinking, yet another untested kid destined to save the world. I think my story is different and well-written enough to be noticed, but I am not sure how to get that across)

Three Crowns: A book about Edward V of England. Historically, Edward V disappeared from the Tower after being housed there by his uncle. My story is alternative history and finds Richard of Gloucester a reason to join forces with his young nephew for the good of the House of York. There is a bit of science fiction (alternative earth type stuff) involved.

Of Humanity: This is about a 12-year old boy, in the future, who is injected with nanites that stop all aging processes and gives him rapid-healing ability. It involves assassination, high power space politics, and a reunion of father and son. It also explores what makes a child a child and the fear of never being able to grow up.

All three books are intended to begin series, I find it hard to write books without thinking in series terms. The books will stand alone, but I'm always thinking of ways to extend the story span.


Works in Progress are too numerous to mention. Here's Three:

Water of Ashmara: Continuation of The Vessel.

Untitled Murder Mystery set on a alien planet at the Terran Embassy.

Hadsrubbal: A 'peter pan' type novel in that the main character is an immortal boy from Phoenician Carthage, set in the modern day. The 'boy' is introduced to the modern foster care system and some of the drama is about that, but there's a looming crisis on the horizon and our hero is destined to be the one to save mankind.

Hello, I thought I'd try this LiveJournal thing. Today I had to drive the 25 miles to work so I could fill out paperwork that I have only limited respect for. I should have done it days ago but frankly didn't feel up to it. My boss has passed me over for promotion to proxy and given it to a nearly brand new employee. Funny enough about that but he isn't very dependable. He can sell like a dream, but when it comes to paperwork, business calls, and other things a keyholder does, he's not there enough.

Okay, just a post to say: hi and vent a bit. I'll post again later with more details about myself.

David